Busy Girl Lately

That is my status on my Facebook account. I have been doing stuff, however insignificant they were. Last night I partied for the first time without any worries. And it felt good!

I have been going back to places I've been to, perhaps to seek closure to one of the saddest chapters in my life. This weekend I went back to Rockwell, where I spent much of the summer last year studying (and feeling lost) until September. At that time, I didn't know which direction I should take. And at times I was not absorbing what I read anymore. One time I was reading a Tax book and I spent the whole afternoon crying my heart out. And nobody cared. At least not one human being. I spent a lot of sleepless nights contemplating about my life and wondering how did I end up where I was last year.

But out of isolation I found comfort that I can still talk to somebody who cares and loves me unconditionally. He was my last hope. And I prayed. Really prayed. Out of the blue I began to think that everyday is a new adventure. I began to enjoy the commutes, the silence, and even the isolation. I don't have to go far to find myself. I just needed to leave my comfort zone just to find out if I can survive. And I did. Not on my own though, I had a lot of support. But taking the bar, as one of my lecturers said, is an individual journey. And I went so far that I thought I could lose my own sanity.

So as I went back to my old familiar spot in Rockwell, I can't help but feel that I was beaten up so badly that I might not recover fully. I mean, I'm very happy that I made it, but at the same time, I'm not completely happy. Am I crazy? Do I need therapy? How can I channel this experience in a positive way...

Anyway, I'm relieved. I love my life now, finally. And I'm so damn lucky. In a few days, I will be taking the oath and signing the roll of attorneys. I do hope that I get to work in a firm or government agency that will utilize what I've learned for so many years. And I hope I will be a successful lawyer. Finally I had my chance to prove myself worthy of the appellation.

By the way, Rockwell is still very nice. I've always loved the place. I don't know if I'll get the chance to work in one of those high-rise buildings, but I'll hang out at Powerplant sometimes.