Don't mind me

Why did I suddenly feel like 12 again?

I know older people wanted to relive their youth, but for me, NOT the time--

when I had bad breakouts (acne)...

when I had a few friends in high school (except 4th year)...

when I had my first taste of reality...

when a lot of my childhood dreams went bust...

In essence, when I had a lot of insecurities.

I was painfully shy when I was younger. Even now when I have my crappy days, I couldn't help but go back to those pre-teen days. And I thought, I was supposed to overcome my insecurities years ago. Up to this time, I would still encounter some kind of a deja vu and take me back in time.

If I were to turn back the clock, however, I would like to go back to my college years. Somehow, my course/professors brought me the confidence to aspire for greater things. Which helped me decide to take up law.

Initially, my reasons for taking up law are as follows:
1. I want to be like my mother, despite all her quirks.
2. I wanted retaliation from my insecurities of my failed childhood and miserable youth. (Now this is only an exaggeration, but you get the idea.)

These, I know are the wrong reasons.

I think Mama was surprised with my decision. She tried so hard to discourage me. She only permitted me to take the UP and Ateneo Entrance Exam. I did not pass. I took them again the year after. I did not pass. Only this time I took exams in other law schools. I picked UST. Thankfully, I graduated there.

There is however a valid reason why I took up law, or else, I wouldn't have survived--I wanted to challenge myself.

Five years of getting through every semester in law school and three years of uncertainty has taught me well. I had to dig deep on why I really wanted to join the law profession. And it's because I wanted to achieve something unexpected of me. For me, the shy and timid girl who longs for a place to shine. Who chose to take risks and have courage to overcome life's trials. This, I think would be the legacy of my 20s.

I'm 29 now. Been through a lot, really. Oh, I would like to go back and relive some of my happiest moments of my youth. But I'm happy where I am now because this is where I'm supposed to be.

As I approach my 30's soon (well, next year), I would like to have a family, for the right reasons. But for now, I just wanted to concentrate on becoming a good lawyer.