Just Blurbing

I heard the news not too long ago that two former classmates of mine died in an unfortunate accident. Only now that I got to search one of them on friendster.

What has gotten me into looking them up on the net? I suppose I was so curious to see how they lived. And I truly hope they're happy wherever they are now. It's sad that they won't get old like most of us. I think the news of my classmates' passing has left me more broken. We talk, say hi, though we were not really that close. But I think I was more affected than I should be.

I so wanted to be at their tribute mass. They were my classmates, after all. I also wanted to see the people I have interacted with for so many years at law school. But I can't. Over the last few years I've lived as an invisible person, not knowing what to do and which direction I should take. I wake up, I breathe, and the rest depends on whether I have an interview, or the day that I attend a novena mass, or the day for somebody else to be happy. I've never felt so dependent on others. I've never felt so lonely. It's as if that I've died.

I definitely did not choose to be where I am right now. I would like to think that things will get better for me, I just don't know how considering my status right now. I'm actually scared on what my future holds. I certainly don't want to be invisible anymore.